just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize