This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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