I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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