Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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