Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
