seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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