Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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