If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
