i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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