just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm just crazy horny about you
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Come on in and take your pants off
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