Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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