TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
