I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize