I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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