I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She needs sedatives and a leash
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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