Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I forget how to act sober
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
