The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
