I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
