Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
