Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The uberlube is also flammable
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
