I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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