i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
