You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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