wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize