I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
