I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
