You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Is Oprah even human
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
