so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
