I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
