I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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