so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
