I'm really into asian looking animals
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
