I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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