How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
