so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
