I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
