I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
