is your mom at the bar?
its not stalking. its research.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
