Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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