my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
and eventually we just all took our pants off
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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