I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We need a shit load of segways right now
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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