But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
