since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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