just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
