I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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