Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
birth control should be required to get into college
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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