DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
