I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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