I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
