Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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