This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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