I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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