Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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