We're like a lot better than the average bears
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
