Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
