even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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