My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
