i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I want to fling myself into the sun
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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