So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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