Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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