You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
