I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
