I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
