TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
