We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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