On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
