plz talk dirty to me
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
