I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
