sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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