I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
