I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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