One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
