just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
