There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
This is my gift to your gina
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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