who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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