You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
