How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
How's work?
Spinning.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
