The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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