My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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