I heard we made out
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
