If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
