if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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