she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
