I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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