I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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