what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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