i don't plan on having that self control this summer
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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