can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
